Little Boy Lost
by Nataku2
Summary: Hear the tale of the Black Jackal when he was a boy. Witness his past, his darkest secret. (chapter 3 revised and edited)
1. Tears of Pain

Title: Little Boy Lost  
  
Author: Nataku  
  
Rating: R   
  
Genre: Angst, horror, gore  
  
Pairing: None  
  
Warning: Okay ladies and gents, this story has a lot of gore. Nothing really yet on the vocab level,  
but man does it have gore. Those with queasy stomachs should think twice before reading.  
  
Disclaimer: Once again, this character is my own. It's Marourin.  
  
Summary: Why is the Black Jackal as cruel as he is? No one starts out evil right? Listen to him as  
he tells the tale of his past.  
  
Author's Note: *looks over writing* Damn, I can't believe I wrote this! I made myself nauseous  
writing it. Such a spoiler for his past. Anyway, please enjoy and please don't judge him too harshly.  
Remember, he's a little boy now.  
  
  
Save me now from my despair  
When you reach me, I'm not there  
Free me now and help me heal  
Kill me now to break my seal...  
  
  
Little Boy Lost  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Kaa-san....  
  
Kaa-san....  
  
Where are you? Don't leave me here. Don't leave me all alone...  
  
KAA-SAN!!!!!!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Did you know that I loved you, kaa-san? Father never cared about me. Only you did, kaa-san. You  
loved me. You cared for me. And I loved you, with all of my heart. I loved you so much it ached  
inside my chest. Even worse then when father kicked me and cracked my ribs.  
  
If you were there, I could handle the abuse, I could handle anything the world threw at me. Anything  
father threw at me. If only I could feel your gentle hands and see a smile. I hated it when you cried  
and he made you cry so much. I hated him. I wanted him to die.  
  
Not because he beat me. Not because he forced me through all of that miserable training. Not  
because he deprived me of a childhood. Because he made you cry. Your tears were too precious to  
waste on the likes of him.  
  
I remember so clearly, he got drunk often. He beat you as well as me. The training, by the gods the  
only thing he ever did beyond almost kill me was train me to be strong and fight.   
Was he proud? Was he pleased that his son became as strong as I am? Apparently, I wasn't strong  
enough.   
  
Everyday I suffer from that. I think about what happened and if only I was a little stronger, a little  
smarter, a little faster, this never would have happened. It was my fault in the end. No matter how  
hard I try to blame him, it always came back to me.  
  
If I would give him credit for one thing it would be that he was powerful. Quite so. He knew what I  
was, he knew what I could do and he used this to try and create the perfect fighter. His greatest flaw  
was not counting in my loyalties and emotions. Those had yet to be beaten out of my system. If he  
would of waited a few more years, maybe a year at least, it would of worked. But he had to go and  
do that. It hit the mark and ripped open apart something in me that should of stayed asleep, should of  
stayed dormant.   
  
Perhaps it was his intention, but I suppose I will never know. I believe he tried to awaken this beast  
residing within my soul. He succeeded, yet he would not live to see the fruits of his labors. I made  
sure of that. For releasing this monster within me and for being the cruel bastard he was, I would  
make sure he paid dearly for it!  
  
That day, how prominent it stands in my memory. Do you remember it? He came home one night,  
reeking of alcohol. Drunk and out of his mind. I remember the anger and rage in his eyes. I  
remember his fists as they struck me again and again, you came to rescue me, kaa-san. My beautiful  
guardian angel. You came to save me. And then he turned his wrath on you.   
  
Father hit you again, and again, and again. If I were not so horrified as to just stand there in terror I  
might of been able to save you. I might have seen the switch blade and stopped him before he drove  
it through your lovely throat. Your last dying breaths were to tell me to run. To save myself. And yet  
again all I did was stand there, gaping in fear. I was frozen stiff!   
  
So great was father's rage that he turned on me with the bloodied blade. It was drenched in your  
life's blood and for the first time ever I felt something inside of me snap. I knew that I was not a  
normal child. The training and abuse kept me from being like the other children. But I felt  
something so entirely different it frightened me. My soul was chilled to the core by the intense  
animalistic ferocity boiling. It was like another being starting to take over me.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Help me kaa-san, this anger, this rage. I'm starting to loose myself!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I heard a feral growling and was horrified to find that the sound was coming from my own throat.  
My eyes felt different and I saw a faint glow around me. A mirror was next to me and I turned my  
head. Screaming, I was shocked to find the glow was emanating from my golden eyes. Father was  
staring in awe, or perhaps fear.   
  
Suddenly a intense pain ripped through my body. Flooding me from head to toe in red streaked  
agony. I arched in the horrible pain and screamed as I felt myself changing. Black fur pushed it's  
way through my skin, making blood run as it tore along the way. I heard and felt the sickening  
crunch of bone as my face elongated, my skull contorting and pushing outward to form a sleek  
muzzle.   
It severed my skin even as new flesh, firmer and tougher, laid itself over my ruined muscles. I could  
tell my new jaws were immensely powerful even as long, sharp fangs ripped through my gums,  
causing even more blood to spill as they extended to their full length. Lethal tools for slicing flesh  
and snapping bone.   
  
Quite suddenly, my knees reversed with a loud POP and fresh pain washed through my already  
agonized state of mind. I could feel my bones grating and the nerves, muscles, tendons rip and tear.  
My shins elongated and pushed me higher with a series of crunching sounds. Muscle, skin, and  
sinew had to replace itself as the old ones were destroyed.   
  
Faintly, I noticed myself screaming in the horrid pain, but then my vocal cords changed with a  
nauseating contortion and I was now howling in misery instead. My hands, they were twisting and  
the nails were thickening, lengthening, sharpening until I had warped semi paws with dangerously  
sharp claws.   
  
There was a loud SHRK sound as my feet sliced my shoes apart, one of the toes melting into the  
flesh painfully, the bone changing position. My toes shortened and thickened, heel crunching upward  
to form a doggish hock. Then my toenails shot forward, thickening and curving until they were  
raptor-like claws. Or maybe like small scythes at the ends of my feet.   
  
My thighs were powerfully muscled as my new body ripped my frail human muscles and laid newer,  
better ones in. No doubt my legs were to be among my ultimate weapons. The base of my spine tore  
through my flesh and elongated into a ghastly whip-like form composed of vertebrae. Then muscles  
and sinew grew over and thick, silky fur sprouted.   
  
The entire process was, as you can guess extremely painful. However, a sensation of power cut  
through the haze of agony blinding my vision. I was reeling from how powerful the scent of blood  
was through my new snout. And of how enticing it was. I could hear the beating of my heart...no...it  
was not mine I heard. This beat was too rapid to be mine.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Words cannot compensate the agony, and the revelation that were conflicting within my delicate  
body and mind at the moment, dear kaa-san, but I try to explain this complex emotion raging  
through me like a wild fire.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I swung my now considerably larger head over to look at my father. He had fallen to his knees in  
terror and was paralyzed from it. Experimentally, I stretched to the tips of my new toes and found  
that my balance was excellent. My vision was incredibly sharp and I could pierce the darkness with  
these fantastic gold eyes. Thick, powerful muscles have bulked up my originally slender build and I  
found myself to be so much stronger. Snapping my jaws, I was delighted in the speed and power  
behind the motion.   
  
Then it kicked in. The surprisingly forceful instincts of the beast I was. Looking in the mirror, I saw  
the sleek figure of a black jackal staring back at me. Like a Anubis incarnate. Wariness and a sharp  
cunning underlaid a simple thought process of survival. And the hunger. It was awful. The hunger to  
kill any living thing to sate myself. To tear into their flesh and devour it. The desire to hunt, the  
desire to chase, the desire to kill, and the desire to devour the warm flesh that I would rip from their  
bodies. These were the dominant thoughts running through this intricate layout of man and beast.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
What of the boy you might ask? He was pushed into the farthest corner of my mind.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Behind this was the jackal's own cunning and intelligence. It knew how to survive. The senses were  
excellent and the brain swift to compute what it took in. It's memory was surprising in it's  
acuteness. The beast remembered where blood was. It remembered where my father was. And then,  
my own instincts and intelligence were intricately laced with the canine's. What a combination I  
must say. The animal's strength and amazingly ruthless instincts to survive coupled with the  
human's brain capacity and ability to rationalize. And the human's instinct to destroy. This perhaps  
played the biggest role.   
  
The worst of human nature was dragged into this medley, forming a fighter that hungered for battle.  
Whoever caused this abomination was a genius if his or her intent was to create a being who was the  
ultimate warrior. Blood lust over rode conscious in this form and would ensure a fierce battle.   
  
I found myself moving closer and closer to my cowering father, a growl emanating from deep in my  
chest. My fur was bristled in anger as I saw him through a beast's eyes. How dare he. How dare he  
kill you. HOW DARE HE!!!   
  
I threw back my head and let a blood curdling howl rip from my throat as I leapt. A hyena-ish  
laughter poured from my open jaws as I started hacking and slashing with my powerful legs, ripping  
into his flesh with my scythe-like hind claws. I heard his screaming. I heard his pleas. I felt his blood  
and flesh. I tasted it. Like the nectar of the gods it was, so sweet and seductive. I wanted more. I  
hungered for this feeling of taking life.   
  
Crouching, I drove my muzzle into his still struggling body. Then like a giant bird of prey, I held  
him down with one hind paw and started tearing away flesh with my jaws. I ripped off pieces and  
devoured them. I reveled in the blood pouring down my throat and the warmth of the flesh.   
  
Slowly, the reddish haze of blood lust cleared from my mind and I felt the jackal's instincts reside as  
rage wore down. I blinked and saw father's desecrated corpse.   
  
"TOU-SAN!!!" screaming, I fell to what would of been my knees and clutched my head. My body  
started shuddering in grief and pain. Slowly, agonizingly, it converted back into that of a boy's. My  
body as it should of been all along. Trembling, I was covered in blood, aching all over, and in  
intense physical and mental pain. I felt so weak without my jackal hide. So weak without you,   
kaa-san.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
Help me kaa-san! Save me from...myself...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I hated father and wanted him dead. But not like this! Honestly, kaa-san! I never wanted him to die  
so horribly! I never wanted to kill him. Please, believe me, kaa-san! I didn't mean to!!!  
I stared at my shaking hands. They were dripping with blood. I could taste blood in my mouth and I  
could still feel his flesh in my stomach.   
  
Unable to help it, I bent over and threw up. I retched and continued regurgitating. My stomach acids  
burned my throat and caused me to start crying. So weak!!!! I got up and stumbled out of the door,  
no longer able to stand the horror of the macabre site. Your body with the gaping hole where a throat  
should be and a pile of flesh, bone, and blood that used to be father, now unrecognizable.   
  
It was pouring outside, kaa-san. A suitable weather for my state of mind at the moment. The rain  
washed the blood from my body and removed the coppery scent from my flesh. But why did I still  
feel so filthy? I raised my hands to my eyes and to me, they were still bloodstained. What could I  
do? I was nothing more than a mere boy. Not meant to deal with all of this. So I just dropped to my  
knees and started sobbing uncontrollably. Tears streaked my face as the rain drenched me to the  
bone, chilling me and soaking my fragile body.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Where are you? Don't leave me all alone.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I believed that mother nature is crying, kaa-san. She's crying for you, and maybe even for father.  
And perhaps, just maybe she'd cry for me. I know for sure that I've changed forever. I read once  
about children being the pure and innocent.   
I don't think I'm a child anymore, kaa-san.   
  
Unknown  
Date Unknown  
The End?  
To be continued?  
  
  
Help me.  
Save me.  
Free me.  
Kill me.   
  
Save me now from my despair  
when you reach me, I'm not there  
Free me now and help me heal  
Kill me now to break my seal...  
  
  
Author's Note: *looking green* I don't know what possessed me to write that. I wanted to drive it in  
people's minds the loss of Marourin's innocence, but that was a little gorey for me. Please don't  
flame me. I didn't mean to upset someone's stomach or make them sick. And for further note,   
'kaa-san' means mother in Japanese. He's Chinese so why he's using Japanese, I don't know. I hope  
you enjoyed. Flames shall be used to cook some steak...maybe Hibachi...  
  
I might consider adding in more chapters, but this is how it started. And in case you are wondering,  
some parts are his direct speech to 'kaa-san', or sudden shift in thought process. 


	2. Frozen Hopes

Title: Little Boy Lost  
  
Author: Nataku  
  
Rating: R   
  
Genre: Angst, horror, gore  
  
Pairing: None  
  
Warning: Okay ladies and gents, this story has a lot of gore. Nothing really yet on the vocab level,  
but man does it have gore. Those with queasy stomachs should think twice before reading.  
  
Disclaimer: Once again, this character is my own. It's Marourin.  
  
Summary: Why is the Black Jackal as cruel as he is? No one starts out evil right? Listen to him as  
he weaves the story of his past, showing the pain laced path that he had to walk.  
  
Author's Note: *looks over writing* Damn, I can't believe I wrote this! I made myself nauseous  
writing it. Such a spoiler for his past. Anyway, please enjoy and please don't judge him too harshly.  
Remember, he's a little boy now. Just for no reason at all, my inspiration for this story was the song  
"I Apologize" by Splendor.  
  
Frozen dreams have shattered me  
Ice has covered all I see  
Warm my heart and set me free  
Freeze my soul and shackle me...  
  
  
Little Boy Lost   
Chapter 2: Save Me  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It's so cold...  
  
Kaa-san, please come...  
  
Help me please....  
  
Kaa-san....  
  
It's so...cold...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hello kaa-san. It's me again. I alone survived the bloody massacre in our home and I alone walked  
away from it. Yes, I the shivering, wretched mass of human flesh being drenched in the rain.   
  
Perhaps I should of died with you.   
  
Perhaps the rain should of washed me away.  
  
However that stubborn little spark in my soul was too greedy and hungry for life. But I felt  
something new now. For the first time, I was truly cold. Both physically and mentally.   
  
Physically I was used to, but this new frost residing in my mind was just about unbearable. No  
matter how hard I tried, I could now ward off this chill. Could you come and help warm up my  
weary and frozen bones? My shivering body and soul.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
I need you kaa-san, where are you? I feel numb inside...  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Day by day, I feel less and less warmth. Like the heat, the fire has been slowly leeched from my  
body. Every day, every hour I spend alone in these black forests I loose more and more of myself.   
  
More and more of my sanity.  
  
I don't know how much longer I can last like this. The solitude is killing me as surely as the cold. I  
scream and cry until my throat hurts too much to even whisper just to make sure that I still exist. I  
never knew that isolation was so horrible. The only person around is me and I wander all over these  
forests hoping. Everyday I search for some other people. Everyday my hope dies a little more as I  
see none.  
  
Now the only way I survive is by hunting and killing. Fires are so difficult to make for the frost is  
settling this time of year. The tinder is too damp to light and I have to resort to eating the flesh raw.  
What horrifies me the most is that I'm starting to like it. I'm starting to accept and even enjoy the  
primal taste of raw meat and blood.   
  
~~~~~~  
Help me kaa-san. This hunger frightens me!  
~~~~~~~  
  
The knife I took from the desecrated corpse of my father has rusted away into a dull, useless piece of  
metal and I can no longer use it to help me hunt.   
  
As for my home, I have left it far behind. My traveling has carried me far, far away from the only  
thing I ever knew. My home, my life, my warmth. Already I have no hope of finding my way back.  
Even a delusional boy as myself knows I'm lost.   
  
However, I don't think that I am just a boy anymore. I hear this cold, icy voice in my mind. I know  
things I shouldn't know. I can feel his frozen presence inside of me, slowly, day by day, merging  
with my soul. The hunger to survive is almost overwhelming now. More and more I become like the  
jackal and this man. He forces me to kill and eat. He forces me to walk more and more, pushing my  
body to it's limits. Already my senses have exceeded that of any human's. Instinct and traits of the  
jackal are slipping through and 'improving me' as he thinks if it.   
  
Maybe I should be grateful of this ruthless man inside of me. He makes me stronger and teaches me  
things that father probably never knew.   
  
Like how to kill a full grown buck with your bare hands.   
  
Or how to snap the neck of a bear like a twig.  
  
He forces my body to break off long poles of bamboo and shape them to form spears and knives.  
  
He keeps me alive.  
  
I should be grateful. I should have been amazed. But I hated him. I hated this monster for he kept me  
from seeing you kaa-san. If it wasn't for him the forest would have devoured me long ago. Curse  
you Jackal, why won't you let me die!?!  
  
~~~~~~~~  
I don't want it anymore kaa-san. Take this spark away from me...  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Perhaps I really am insane kaa-san. I keep on thinking of him as a separate person. He really  
isn't...or so I think. More of a subconscious instinct. I hear his voice whispering in my mind...or is it  
just echos of my screaming?  
  
But does instinct come with all of this skill? Or maybe it does. Like the jackal knows how to kill.  
  
Maybe this voice is really me telling myself to live. To hunt and kill so I can survive.   
  
But with all of 'his' skill, I'm still cold.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
Why won't he let me come to you, kaa-san?  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
How many days has it been now? I lost count. For the first few weeks I kept bones with tally marks  
on them, but I started getting confused and lazy. Just living has become a dreadful chore. I don't  
know how much longer I can do this and still keep my mind.   
  
I think I really was driven insane by my isolation. Maybe that's why I hear his voice in my ears.  
Like he is standing next to me and wrapping me in his larger and stronger arms.   
  
No. I will not...I must keep my rationality. If I die, which I pray is soon, I shall die waiting for you  
to come and take me in your white angel wings, kaa-san. To take me away from his dark embrace  
that keeps me here. I refuse to die a savage.   
  
You cannot possibly have a idea about how much harder this has gotten of the late.   
  
At times, I can barely remember who I am. That I am still human and that I am me.   
  
~~~~~~~~  
Help me kaa-san...  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Through my wanderings, I suddenly drudged up a thought. I haven't used names in so long. Now  
what was my name again? I sit down and think. Then my eyes snapped open as it struck me. I don't  
remember.  
  
My name?! Oh by the gods! What is my name?! I don't...I don't remember it!!! I know who I  
am...but what am I called? My name, my identity!!!  
  
I shudder and am unable to help from collapsing. You cannot know the horror of not having a title. I  
never knew that a simple name meant so much.  
  
Wait....just maybe....perhaps...  
  
I look up quite suddenly and I know that my eyes are glazed with thought.   
  
There was something that father always called me. I remembered being trained with a sword...and  
what was the name he gave me?  
  
Frantically I started shifting through my memories, desperate to snag that fleeting image. I even  
clawed at my head trying to remember. I must remember it. For the sake of my sanity I must.  
  
......I remember it...Marourin... Marourin! Now I know. It means 'the demon swordsman'. I smile  
broadly, proud of myself. Aren't you happy for me kaa-san? I have a name! I have a title!   
  
Marourin. That name sounded like the most beautiful music ever to grace my ears. Finally  
something of my home that I could cling to. And I know that I would, with all of my might I will.  
That is my name, kaa-san. And it'll be his name too. Never before have I felt happier since that day  
at home. I had something to call myself, and to call him.   
  
One of these days, if I ever get back into the realm of human beings with my mind still intact, I  
might just make a new life for myself. I'll use this name, Marourin, for it. Ah, a new life. Such a  
impossible dream it seems now, but it is one of the few motivations I have to keep me going. And  
now, when I have reached a point where all seems futile, the dreams are the most important. Without  
them, I would just sink into the darkness and never find my back.  
  
~~~~~~  
Dreams, they're all I have left kaa-san...  
~~~~~~  
  
It's getting colder and colder now. Winter has settled and with it came the frost and snow. The  
mountains are a inhospitable place this time of the year. The ice and frozen streams brings  
unbearable cold with them. It rains ice like needles stabbing the night as I walk. My shoes have  
worn away and I now wear animal skins. How cold it gets, but the fur I wrap myself in seems to  
repel water quite efficiently. As I continue through these uninhabited mazes of myriad trees, the rain  
trickles down my entire body like so many tears. Replacements for the ones that I didn't shed. I find  
it harder to cry now. The ice in my body is too cold and frozen to permit that. Like I have been  
numbed to emotion and feeling.   
  
At moments I notice myself talking less and less. Soon I know that the only conversations will be in  
my head. Just me and him talking voicelessly. The forests are so silent. So empty, yet there is life. A  
different type from civilization, in fact the very opposite. And for a boy that has come from a culture  
that has 6,000 years of civilization, it is a little hard to compensate this drastic change.  
  
It's hard to carry a conversation with a panda or a rabbit. I can't help but wonder how I am going to  
die. Such morbid moods I have now! I wonder if a wolf will tear me limb from limb, or one day I  
fall off the edge of a cliff. Or maybe, just maybe, the cold will end my suffering.   
  
And then I wonder what would happen if I did find my way to civilization and managed to get help.  
What would my life be like? Would I ever be the same after all that has happened? Would there  
even be enough of me left to make a human being?   
  
~~~~~~~~  
Kaa-san, watch over me please...  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
I think that I will never be completely human again. However, the jackal hasn't taken over. Not yet.  
Not since that day so long ago, far, far away. I can feel him resting within, hibernating. He is part of  
me, part of my soul now. He won't stay dormant forever I know. One day, the beast inside me will  
rip free once more, bringing with him that awful hunger and rage. When those crimson eyes open  
again, I will loose myself to the animalistic fury and be immersed in a sea of blood.  
  
I don't want my hands to be dripping with blood again. I don't want to feel the alluring warmth of  
flesh inside of me. The cold is awful but I can only hope and pray that he stays asleep forever. Please  
pray with me kaa-san. For the sake of my humanity, pray with me.   
  
Marourin  
Unknown  
  
The End?  
To Be Continued?  
  
  
Help me  
Save me  
Free me  
Kill me  
  
  
Frozen dreams have shattered me  
Ice has covered all I see  
Warm my heart and set me free  
Freeze my soul and shackle me...  
  
  
Author's Note: Thank you very much for reading this poor excuse of a story. I know this one was   
dull, but that's what I wrote. Being in a mountain cabin in the middle of no where makes you write  
things like that. Thank you again and please, constructive criticism is appreciated. Flames shall be  
used for....er...roasting peaches. 


	3. A Spark of Light (revised)

Title: Little Boy Lost  
  
Author: Nataku  
  
Rating: R   
  
Genre: Angst, horror, gore  
  
Pairing: None  
  
Warning: Okay ladies and gents, this story has a lot of gore. Nothing really yet on the vocab level, but man does it have gore. Those with queasy stomachs should think twice before reading.  
  
Disclaimer: Once again, this character is my own. It's Marourin.  
  
Summary: Why is the Black Jackal as cruel as he is? No one starts out evil right? Listen to him as he tells the tale of his past.  
  
Author's Note: *looks over writing* Damn, I can't believe I wrote this! I made myself nauseous writing it. Such a spoiler for his past. Anyway, please enjoy and please don't judge him too harshly. Remember, he's a little boy now.  
  
What is that light I now see?  
Take it now away from me  
Hold it to my heart aflame  
Take it from my frozen blame  
  
  
Little Boy Lost  
  
  
Chapter 3: Spark of Light  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
Kaa-san....  
  
Help me find my way...  
  
Watch over me. Guide me please...  
  
I can't take much more of this...  
  
Please, help me find my way...  
  
Kaa-san....  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kaa-san, I'm starting to loose myself in this black abyss. I try to keep my mind. I try to keep my sanity... but every day it slips a little farther away from me. It's becoming so hard to remember I am human and who I am. The name is still with me, but that voice in my head is getting stronger. I think he has merged as far in my soul as he can go now.   
  
He frightens me kaa-san.   
  
I can feel him.   
  
O can feel how dark he is. I don't know if he has a soul, but he certainly doesn't have mine. His emotions of anger, and his icy darkness just are so different from myself. He has such a boiling hatred flowing like ice water through his veins...his phantom veins that pulse with life that he should not posses. Sometimes he whispers things in my mind that scares me.   
  
He whispers thoughts of blood and flesh, shadows, and revenge.   
  
How tempting he is, like the devil himself. He soothes me, crooning to me about killing...about death.   
  
Oh how well he knows death, as if he were it's secret lover who knew it's every secret.   
  
With a morbid interest I listen. I listen as he teaches about the wondrous event; about the rigor mortis... about the slow decay the body starts as soon as the last breath of life has fled. I listen as he talks fondly about the filmy glaze that seeps over the eyes. I listen as he talks tenderly about the blood that pools at the bottom of their body and how he wishes he could extenuate the corpses so they stay free of the horrid bruises. I cannot help but to, like a mouse freezes at the sight of a cat. Please don't blame me for listening to him, this evil seducer. I try to close my ears to him, but how do you avoid something in your own mind?   
  
The solitude is only increasing his power over me. He promises that he can get us out, that he can save my mind, but only if I loose it to him first. Every day it becomes harder to ignore him.   
  
Where did he get his powers of persuasion?   
  
These black forests are taunting, cruel in their looming majesty.   
  
And the stars over head, what are they? They are a myriad number of uncaring deities. They wink down in mocking sympathy while high in their lofty thrones. What do they care about me? What do they care about anything?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Kaa-san? Where are you?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It's getting harder to not loose hope and I can feel myself dying. Slowly, agonizingly, shard by bleeding shard, I perish.  
  
I can't keep going much longer. I keep pushing myself, hoping to one-day find the light at the end of this fathomless darkness.   
  
How hard it has become.   
  
The day I drop down at last, I will die. In these black foresting, uncaring, unknown, I shall depart from this world. You will be there to take me home won't you? You'll be there to wrap me in your warm embrace.  
  
I walk.   
  
I wonder.   
  
I search.   
  
I feel this odd tingling sensation nowadays. Like I'm getting close to something. I hope, I pray its people.   
  
After days of traveling in this dark abyss, I imagine the scent something different.   
  
Or is it really just my imagination?   
  
Maybe I've finally found people.   
  
Has my walking picked up? Has my head lifted higher? Perhaps though I am not sure.   
  
~~~~~~~~  
Salvation? Could it be?  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Kaa-san! I see a break in this black forest! I see the trees getting sparser. Could it be??!  
  
YES!!! IT IS!!! I SEE MEN!   
  
My heart leaps with joy, pounding like a thrush inside my chest, yearning to be freed. I start running toward the sight, the smell. Overjoyed. I feel warmth inside my heart, my soul. Oh kaa-san, it feels so good! It feels so right! Laughing, I run and run. I see the men, how startled they look! And yet... they look scared too.  
  
'Don't be frightened' I want to say, but my voice has rusted away from lack of use.  
  
'Help me!' I wanted to shout, bout all I could do was laugh, smiling with glee. But I was feeling heavier...more tired...  
Please don't let me fall asleep. I want to be with those men. I want to be with humans once more...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Boy! What are you doing?! This body is mine!  
  
Stop it, please, onegai! Let me release this from my heart. I beg of you. It was mine from the start and all I ask is a chance to talk to kaa-san...  
  
You're kaa-san is dead! Her bones have long since turned to dust in a pile of rubble! Stop being foolish. This body is mine, I claimed it, I shaped it, and it belongs to me!  
  
Kuda sai, don't force me back into the darkness!  
  
Urusai! Sleep once more, child. You vex me.  
  
Onegai!  
  
Mine!!!  
  
KAA-SAN!!!!!  
  
She'll never come back to help you boy. The only person you have left is myself. You knew that when you decided to dance with the devil. You knew that when you gave your soul to me.  
  
Kaa-san....  
  
I am the only one who can truly love you, and you know that as well as I.  
  
Kaa-san... Doushite...?  
  
Sleep, child. Sh, I love you. Only me. I'll be your mother, your father, your brother, and your lover. Come; come into my embrace once more and sleep. Sleep and dream you're delusional dreams, child.  
  
Is it true?  
  
Hm?  
  
Do you really love me?  
  
Of course, now and forever mon beau ange.  
  
I don't believe you...kaa-san... Sayonara. Wait for me kaa-san; I'll come, one day...  
  
Sleep.  
  
For now, I will. And maybe in my dreams, I can believe you. Maybe I will love you too.  
  
Shh....  
  
Goodbye....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Hm, that boy is asleep at last. Do I love him? I can only sneer at that question. That is my secret, and mine alone.   
  
I'd like to see his dear 'kaa-san' try to take him away.   
  
He belongs to me.  
  
Mine.  
  
Forever...  
  
  
The End.  
  
Author's Note: Okay, I know this part is a little odd. But basically, this will be the ending to Little Boy Lost.  
As for the entire last section of this chapter, this jerks you out of the timeline, and into the present mind, where the evil half is wrenching back control. Nothing dirty was intended, it was that whole "You have to love yourself before anything else" type thing. Hope I didn't confuse you ^_^.   
  
As usual, flames shall be used to roast...pineapples! 


End file.
